First Time Here?



I'm having a ridiculously hard time right now. I don't know what my deal is, I know that this will click into place for me. I'm not giving up. I've been making some terrible decisions. I start each and every day off right, but by bedtime I have made so many bad decisions. I'm snacking at night, and I am eating way too much fast food. I won't ever give up fast food, I know this - but I have got to get this shit together.

Today, I had all three of my favorite foods. I had my Harry and David relish dip. I had some Pizza. I also had biscuits and gravy for breakfast. I went all out today. I said good-bye to these foods today. I'm going to tell myself each and every second how important this is to me.

I need to remind myself of my Why's... I want to be healthy for my baby girl. I can't even chase her around the fucking the dining table. I get so exhausted I can't play with her. I just sit there in front of the TV like a lazy ass. I want to play with her. I want to have the energy to play with her. I want to lose this weight for my family too. I want them to be proud of me. I don't want them to worry about my weight. I know they love me no matter what, but I don't love the way I look. I love everything else about my life except this ONE thing. I can love EVERY thing.

I am listing to FatDag right now, and he just said, "Do you want Pizza, or do you want goal?" I WANT goal, but for some reason I have chosen that DAMN pizza lately. I've had two bags of white chocolate M&M's. I am making some terrible choices. I need to choose GOAL more often.

I know I can do it, I chose Goal yesterday when I got an email saying, "3 dozen donuts in the lounge." I didn't get a donut. Damn, I wanted a donut. I chose Goal. Then I went home and had Pizza... Seriously, Nykki. Where are your priorities! PIZZA IS NOT WORTH IT!

I WANT this so bad. Yet - I keep messing it up. Now, I'm going to jump on Connect and get some inspiration.

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© Diary of a {lazy} Weight Watcher
Maira Gall